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Monday, 26 October 2009

My Resolve

I so coulden't sleep. Lied down from 2 to 5 but diden't sleep.
My sister walked into the room. She was stressed. I was depressed.
We ran. We ran from our house to National JC and back at 5 in the morning. Breathless. Tired. Exhausted.
I fainted in my bed
I FINALLY BROKE MY 10 DAY LONG INSOMNIA. I was happy. I finally slept !
Whats the meaning of Emotional ?
Whats the meaning of Life ?
What's the meaning of Depression ?
I don't want to hear it. I don't want to think about it. Right now, I just know 1 thing.
" The only thing that won't change is change. " Thats is all i want to know about.
. What happened ? Why are you emoing ? Why are you Depressed ? Why are you shedding tears ? Why have you become like this ?
What happened to the always happy Truman who was never sad ?
I Found Myself Asking These Questions Again And Again
I was stupid. Everything in life will change. Why be sad over one little setback in life ? It was like a slap in my face. A slap that woke me up from my nightmares. I had no idea how down i was feeling. I diden't know how many people were concerned. I diden't know what i wanted.
But now i do .
Thanks Esmeralda and Vanessa for ur encouraging words.
Thanks Davin for listening to my story and helping me through
Thanks Joie for your listening ear and the SLAP in the face.
Thanks to rachael heng and all the other who were concerned.
I'm Done With Being Depressed . I'm Done With All Of This.
I found my Resolve . I have decided on what to do .
I was finally sleeping from 6 - 10 . A mere 4 hours sleep and i was interrupted my a phone call. I look at the phone. ESMERALDA again ... same as last time. They were discussing some outing or something. I was half asleep but somehow everything got into my head. Got outta bed at about 10.45 to change. Then i went to Davin's house.
Reached at about 11.25. We were suppose to have a "gay" date . Two boys going out to watch a movie and walk around. But we were abit lazy at first so we stayed at his house. We used to computer and watched TV. We saw the BEYONCE Single ladies performance on MTV and then we were like talking about her *AHEM* *AHEM* . Ppl you should know what it is but i don't like to say it outloud here.
Then we went on talking about relationships. Everytime I drifted off into space and became emo, Davin would talk about some sort of things. Then we'll like move on to the topic of hot guys. HOT GUYS ! Slowly i forgot all about being depressed and became my same old self. Suddenly i dunno why but Davin don't feel like being gay today .... so we went to call Hermann and Wei Yun they all.
Then we went on to try cloths or something. Davin like totally stripped infront of me ..... lucky he not a hot guy if not i'll go all touchy and everything :)
Then Wei Yun called ... she cant go. So met hermann and went to VIVO.
Oh My Gosh. I need to buy my bag ! 1 month already. ..... So went to find my bag.
Reached Vivo. First thing was went to MiniToons to buy my Shoelace. Oh my gosh i cant stand it already my shoelace is like WHITE ! I need to have a pink shoelace ! But got no nice pink so we bought orange. Doesn't match but its still nice.
Went to some HALAL food court to eat. Diden't want to go cause it was HALAL . I NEED PORK !!! No offence. But davin want to go so no choice. Ate fish and chips. Finished First ! For the first time.
Actually Wanted to watch Sister's Keeper but due to some reason we never watch. Hermann was like all "Let's watch Jennifer's Body . Got MEGAN FOX !!!! " But we were underaged. Sad.
So went went around looking for a bag for me to buy. Wasted alot of time. In the End also never buy. What the HECK ? So Davin say tomorrow after school we go Bugis buy. Don't know if it will succeed but still ......
After that Davin left. Say got some campfire thing to do. So me and Hermann went to meet Shi Hwee Dexun they all. Do what ? You Guess ?
PLAY LAN .... At first i was like "what the heck ? Lan ? No life ? I at home play com until i want to die already." But got nothing else to do then follow Hermann. But it was like super fun in the end : )
Was suppose to meet Davin again to eat dinner after Lan. But Mum called. Freak. So go home lor.....
Resolved - Truman